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My interests are Yoga, psychic power and the power of the mind, health and fitness, diet and happiness.

Thursday

Tips To Keep Your House & Man Clean

I'm going to show you my tips.

But first, as standard practice, I want all of you girls to make sure that your man has put on his rubber gloves properly. I prefer mine to wear powder blue, but the choice of colour is optional.

If you should be unlucky enough to have one of those awkward men, and I'm told there are one or two about, who will not wear gloves get them to rub vaseline all over their hands, wrists and forearms. This will prevent any dirt penetrating into their delicate skin pores or from settling round the nails. It will also keep their cuticles nice and soft, which is pleasant for them. To think that before I learnt this I had some very peculiar ideas about why couples kept vaseline in their bathroom cabinets. Thankfully that is all behind me now.

Now give your man a list of jobs, wind him up and get him going. Meanwhile we'll have a bit of a girlie gossip about important household issues.

Men all gone? Great, because I want to start off with the subject of S...T...A...I...N...S.

Not very pleasant I know, but if you are keeping a male 'in house' you have to face up to the unpleasant fact that there will be stains about the home, and even on one's person. Sometimes the poor loves just can't help themselves. It's sad but before you know where you are there it is, an unpleasant mark.

Take tea, for example. When they drip it on to their shirts remove the offending garment from them immediately. Steep the mucky portion in a strong solution of borax and water and leave to soak until the stain has disappeared. How long this will take depends on the age of the stain, so keep a watchful eye on your man whenever he is slurping from his saucer.

Now coffee is a different cup of tea. For coffee stains rub in glycerine and rinse in tepid water. As this often has to be repeated several times I have trained my man to do this for himself. It took a while but now I just have to say, 'coffee alert', and he strips off all of his clothes and does the necessary in the bathroom sink. It looks so sweet.

I'm sure that you'll agree that wine can cause a problem for men. Mine likes to sip it from my navel. This keeps him happy for ages but he always ends up staining his boxer shorts, the naughty boy. If he's wearing his white ones I find that the best solution is to cover the wine stain with salt moistened with lemon juice and to expose it to the sun. This may be difficult in winter so I make sure he has a drawer full of undergarments.

If he should have been wearing one of his more colourful items the wine stain should be soaked in hot milk. This may have to be repeated several times so he has to learn that he must be more careful.

I was going to mention that for blood it's best to soak in salted, lukewarm water, changing the water every hour but I don't think we really want to talk about that. So we'll move on to other important matters.

You may notice that from time to time your man will bump into the furniture. This can occassionally cause dents which detract from the general appeal of your room. If this should happen try the following:

Fold a large sheet of brown paper into a thick pad and soak it in water. Hold this over the dented part while you apply a hot iron, pressing it on until it has dried up all of the moisture in the paper. This should raise the bruised wood level with the undamaged surface. If it hasn't, try again. When succesful polish.

If the furniture is scratched, perhaps he is showing off having learnt his initials, try rubbing half of a freshly cut Brazil nut kernel over the white scratches. This should make them less noticeable. For any plate marks rub the wood with a cloth dipped in linseed oil, using brisk movements, and then polish with methylated spirits. Repeat several times until it looks OK.

Your male may be messy on the carpets when least expected. That awful candle grease never looks good on your carpet. You might have thought romance, but they can get some strange ideas. Tell him to hold fire. Then scrape off as much of the grease as you can with a blunt knife. Lay two thicknesses of blotting paper, over the mark, and rub a hot iron or a hot poker (if you have one handy) over the paper until all the grease has been absorbed. Finally remove any lingering traces with turpentine. You are then ready to return to what you were doing. Make sure he knows he must blow out any flames first.

If your carpet needs a general clean get your man on his hands and knees and tell him to rub over the surface with a cloth wrung out in a mixture of one part vinegar and three parts very hot water. Tell him how good he is afterwards and explain that if he'd worn his gloves, as you told him, he wouldn't have such red, sore hands.

To make his hands nice and soft after his hard work here is my secret recipe: Take equal quantities of olive oil, soap flakes and granulated sugar. Beat this until the soap flakes have dissolved. Now let him rub the mixture well into his hands and rinse in warm water without using any soap. He'll be delighted and will want you to feel how nice they are.

My man has returned, I've just got to check if he's done everything.

The mucky pup! The lino in the bathroom was a disgrace. I've told him to wash it with clean water and then when dry to apply a little linseed oil.

I'd better finish now and switch off my computer as he's nearly done the lino. Can't be too careful. If he should find out I've had my tips on display he'll only get us into another mess. Thanks for the chat girls.

Jayne

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